The strange mom

What’s your biggest dream?

In order to keep going in life we have to find the things that make us want to stay. That we want to wake up and fight for. The moments where the smile is so deep in your heart that the ache takes over your whole body.

I want to give back to others that have to travel the path that I have been down. It’s hard and very lonely sometimes. In the last ten years I have learned what it’s like to have a child with Down syndrome and how the world looks at him.

He was diagnosed with leukemia at two and a half years old and I learned, even harder, how little the world thinks of people with disabilities. Or kids with cancer. Or the mental health of the parents and siblings during cancer treatment.

He was also diagnosed with ADHD and autism later on and again, a new world unfolded before my eyes. Never before fears were unlocked. Thoughts from the depths of my soul bubbled up.

How did I miss this or these parts of life?

Why aren’t we taught to take care of each other?

Why aren’t we all taught to care?

Over the last few years I have worked on my own mental health in ways that I didn’t know were even an option. I’ve gotten to go on multiple retreats with other moms who have kids fighting cancer, who have a kid who passed from cancer, who have a child with Down syndrome or Autism, or some moms, like me… who have more than one diagnosis.

I want to make others feel like that. I want to make others know, that even in the worst situation, we can choose to find a purpose. The one thing that can’t be taken from us, is that.

I want to open a camp ground made for the disability community. And safe for families who have a child with a disability. I want to be inclusive. I want to make others feel welcome and not alone. Including families going through cancer.

I also want to start a 6 person (adult) retreat where we focus on peer support and allowing the earth to make us feel whole again.

Self-care is one of the most important things when you live a life that doesn’t follow the norms. Most people don’t get you. They don’t understand your life. And quite often tell you “Oh, I could never do what you do.” But, in reality, when you have a child, “the option” to be a good parent…. goes out the window.

I doubt myself a lot but I also trust myself more. I know that I can handle what comes at me because I am willing to stand up to it.

My retreat will include yoga, and art, and digging in the garden, and bonfires outside with our hearts request for earth to share it’s tranquility.

I also want to teach some art classes at the camp and have some good bands stop by and play.

I want everyone to feel the joy of knowing another human is celebrating an accomplishment. Something that seemed like a far off light in the distance, when life became a dark hollow tunnel to nowhere.

It’s out there. It’s in the mountains and the breezy air.

It’s in the ocean waves that crash on the beaten sand.

It’s in the flames of the roaring fire and the crackling leaves underneath.

It’s in the tears the flow freely down faces so tired. And sighs that seem to shake the ground when let out just right.

We can be that for each other. I have seen it and experienced it. And I want to make it available for any others who need it.

Thats my dream. To be a helper.

Of course, I want to fundraise so the retreat part is fully free.

I am determined to figure this out. I feel like it’s an idea that has been growing inside of me for my whole life. I just had to go through some stuff that caused me to completely question everything that I have ever believed to be true.